No Middle Initial
by 88Keys
Summary: Tony tries to guess McGee's middle name. Oneshot, humorous.


This literally came to me in the middle of the night. My first NCIS fic. Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks to my friends at BNABBT for suggesting some outlandish male names, and to for some name history.

No Middle Initial

By: 88Keys

Finished: 12/9/07

"Yes. Yes, that's correct. My name is Timothy McGee, no middle initial. OK, thanks. You, too. Bye."

"Why do you always say that?" Tony asked as McGee hung up the phone.

"Say what?"

"Timothy McGee, no middle initial." Tony tried his best to imitate his co-worker's voice as he spoke. "Why do you say 'no middle initial?'"

"Because I don't have one."

Tony crossed the aisle and stood directly in front of McGee's desk. "Then why don't you say "no middle name? Do you have a middle name?"

"Tony," McGee said slowly, as if talking to a child, "if I don't have a middle initial, it would stand to reason that I don't have a middle name."

"Yes, but you never _say_ that. I think you do have one, and you just don't want to admit it."

McGee shrugged and bent over the report he was working on. "Think whatever you want."

Tony crossed his arms and studied McGee closely. "Let's see, two children, Timothy and Sarah. Both Biblical names, both Hebrew…"

"Timothy is Greek, actually," McGee corrected without looking up.

"If we keep the Bible theme going, I would say… David. Samuel. Paul. Abraham."

McGee shook his head.

"Nah," Tony agreed, "you wouldn't be embarrassed about David or Paul. It must be something really, bad. His eyes lit up. "Methuselah?"

McGee rolled his eyes.

"Walter. Melvin. Dilbert."

From her desk, Ziva looked up in confusion.

"Dilbert?"

"Just trying out some geek names," Tony replied. "Or maybe something sci-fi. Anakin? Worf? Jean_-Luc_?"

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Not really. Julia. Lauren. Maude. Eva."

McGee frowned. "Those are girls' names."

"Exactly," said Tony, grinning.

"I told you, Tony, I don't have a middle name."

"Sorry, McGoo, but you're a terrible liar." Tony wrinkled his brow in concentration.

"Whatever." McGee bent lower over his desk, determined to concentrate on his report and ignore any further questioning.

Tony sat down at his computer and began typing.

"If you're trying to access my personnel file, you know they're sealed."

Tony said nothing. All was quiet for a few moments. McGee thought the subject had been dropped, until DiNozzo looked up again.

"Stavros. Demetrios. Andreas."

"What are you talking about?"

"Greek names. You said you were Greek."

"No, I said 'Timothy' is Greek. As you should have been able to figure out from 'McGee,' my family came from Scotland."

"Scotland, huh?" Tony clicked the mouse a couple of times. "Angus. Duncan. Cameron."

"There's nothing to guess, Tony."

"Kenneth. Murray. Dugald. Alasdair."

"You're wasting your time.

"Elthelbert. Bertwald. Oswyn."

"Seriously, Tony, who would bestow those names on a child?" Ziva interjected, despite her best efforts to ignore the conversation.

"This says they're old Angelo-Saxon names."

"What says they are?"

"This name history website."

"You know, Tony, you've never told us your middle name," McGee commented. "I'll bet it's-"

"Anthony Durante DiNozzo. It's derived from the Latin word for 'enduring.' Tony flashed a grin. "Named for my grandfather. I'm not ashamed of my name, unlike some people."

"I'm not ashamed of anything because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Or, actually, there is nothing of which to be ashamed, because you really shouldn't end a sentence with a prep-"

Hey!" Tony's eyes lit up. "Alfric! It actually means 'elf ruler!'"

"Tony," McGee said, very seriously. "You can guess every name on the planet and you will still be wrong. I don't have a middle name. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

Tony closed the browser window and stood up. "You're right. This is a waste of time. There's a much easier way to find out." He turned towards the elevator.

"Where are you going?" McGee asked suspiciously.

"To the lab."

"Abby won't tell you," McGee said smugly. His eyes grew wide as he realized his error. But it was too late.

"HA!" Tony whirled around and pointed an accusatory finger. "That means there's something for her not to tell me. Which means you _do _have a middle name! I knew it!" He started for the elevator again, then paused. "What makes you think she won't tell me?"

"Because I know her middle name. We made a pact."

"Pacts are made to be broken, Probie. The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead." Tony turned again to go.

"Oh, for the love of…" Ziva sighed. "McGee's middle name is Clarence. Abby's is Sunshine."

Tony smiled a triumphant smile. "Clarence? That's pretty…wait, did you say Sunshine?"

"Yes," Ziva replied. "Abigail Sunshine Sciuto. She said her parents were…dippies?"

"Hippies," Tony corrected. The grin on his face grew bigger and bigger. "Sunshine? Our mistress of the dark's middle name is [ISunshine?[/I Wait a minute. Abigail Sunshine Sciuto…that means her initials…" Tony burst into maniacal laughter as he sprinted across the bullpen to the elevator.

Ziva turned back to the work in front of her.

"Thanks, Ziva," McGee said sincerely.

"For what?"

"You know my middle name isn't Clarence. And Abby's isn't 'Sunshine.' I know you just said that to distract Tony so he would leave me alone."

"Really," Ziva said, never looking up.

"Yeah…Abby's middle name is Inez. I know she hates it, but I don't think it's so bad."

Ziva grinned subtly. "Is that what she told you?"

-THE END


End file.
